Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pants are for mortals
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
