You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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