I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
