Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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