I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
