8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
