she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
