im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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