I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
