dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
