Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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