I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
