did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
