I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
