I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sarcasm needs its own font
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize