A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
