what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
