Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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