i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize