I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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