I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize