Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
