i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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