i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to have your abortion
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
