A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
