I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize