I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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