he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
