I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
