Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
