He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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