I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
