The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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