your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize