is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
