i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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