She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
