I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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