i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
