at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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