Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
