Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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