walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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