Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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