Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
