I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
