I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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