Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
