I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize