She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
