I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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