I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
