allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
