those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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