We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
