I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
