textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
