He uses pillows to masturbate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
