I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize