some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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