I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
