The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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