You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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