You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize