first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
