how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
