and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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