I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's always time for handjobs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
