My room smells like vodka and shame
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My breasts were aching with rage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
