then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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