I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize