dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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