'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
