i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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