i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
