All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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