The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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