there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
