Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
