They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
