saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
