one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
