I could make wine with my vomit
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
